I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
MIDGETS
????
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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