I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
