Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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