I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize