OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
