You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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