Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
