Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
