Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
