I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
