i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
