somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
sex in a hospital.. check
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
