You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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