It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
