Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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