no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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