Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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