And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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