I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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