Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
