If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
