all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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