i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
