just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Jerry, you need to find god
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you had me at cake vodka
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
