Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
