I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
