He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I love you.
Bad choice
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
