Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
