omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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