I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
