The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
