Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize