She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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