my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
