I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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