she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was like eating out sand paper
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
being pregnant is like rehab
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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