just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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