I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So vagazzling was a success
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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