Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
