Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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