fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
