Small penises have feelings too.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
