best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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