listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize