he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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