i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize