guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
