Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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