if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
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