i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
