Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
