i can't believe i had my finger in that
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
