is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
