I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
