I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How drunk are you?
Completed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
