when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
please come you make the beer taste better
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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