im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
