I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
