so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
