It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
