Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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