so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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