please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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