I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
