I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
