My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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