Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
