I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
