I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
