I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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