Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
