So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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