I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize