Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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