I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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