apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
