I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was confusing and full of hummus
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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