Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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